Good Friday Thoughts

Easter is Sunday and once again we are bombarded with cute little chicks, dyed eggs, visits from the "Easter Bunny" and chocolate. So many people celebrate Easter with these things, even Christians, but many of us forget the true meaning. I don't believe it is wrong to celebrate Easter with a chocolate bunny, I love chocolate and I love bunnies, but I hate that I am guilty of getting wrapped in these things rather than focusing on what it's really all about.

I find myself getting excited about tomorrow being Good Friday, but rather than being excited because it is the day my sins were payed for I get excited about the fact I only have to work a half day. This saddens me! Good Friday is the day that Jesus went to the cross so that I could be called a child of God, not a holiday from work. How many years have I let Good Friday pass me by without even thinking about the fact that it is one of the most important days in history?

I so often forget the sacrifice that was made for me. It's so easy to get caught up in every day life and be completely oblivious to how many times a day I mess up. My pastor pointed out that in the Old Testament alone there were over 600 laws set forth by God to be followed 100%. No one comes close to following every one of these things, regardless of how many good deeds, positive thoughts and holy actions they complete. No one. There was absolutely no way for us to enter into God's Kingdom until Jesus came. Jesus was always the plan, as my pastor also said "Jesus was plan A." From the beginning God knew that Jesus would be the path to him. How do I forget these things?! Good Friday is the ultimate fulfillment of God's plan to reconcile us to Him. It is the ultimate display of love and the day that took me from the gates of Hell to the kingdom of Heaven.

I often worry that I don't shine the light of Christ, I wonder if those around me know I am a Christian or if they just think I'm a good person. Do they even think I am a good person? Why is God's love not radiating from me? The sacrifice shown from the events of that Friday so long ago should be more than enough to keep a permanent smile of my face and let every word I speak be one of praise. Yet I fall short daily. More than daily, hourly, possibly every minute. Thank God for Jesus because He made the way for me to still be redeemed even though I am constantly failing God. God desires for me to be better, but He loves me despite my shortcomings, despite the fact that I am constantly failing at being who He deserves me to be.

I want to remember the real meaning of Easter, the true beauty of Good Friday and the sacrifice that was made. Calling it Good Friday always seemed so odd to me because it was the day that Jesus was tortured, the day that He died a painful death despite His being perfect. That didn't seem good. But it is good! He did it because He loves us, to bring us to Him. And if that isn't GOOD then I don't know what is!

Moving Forward

     I had an amazing time last night. I went on a girl date with my friend Heather to a sushi restaurant, froyo and then to Cirque Ziva. It was so much fun! I laughed like I haven't in so long. Amidst all the changes occurring in my life right now I am staying positive and trying to enjoy life as much as I possibly can and last night was just what the dr. ordered. I'm adjusting to life on my own, learning how to be the person I want to be. There have been some negatives that have come from all of these life changes, most hurtful is the amount of judgement I feel from some of those around me that are supposed to be loving and supportive of me. I am separating from my husband, this is something I have been reluctant to share, but there is no reason to hide from the truth anymore. I realize this is something that is hotly debated among Christians and it breaks my heart to be going through it. I have struggled for a long time fighting an internal battle with my convictions of faith and the brutal truth that my marriage was not healthy. There is some debate on the meaning of this passage, and I feel sure that many will disagree with me, but ultimately it has helped give me peace with my decision.

Exodus 21:7-11:

 ⁷ “If a man sells his daughter as a servant, she is not to go free as male servants do. ⁸ If she does not please the master who has selected her for himself,^[b] he must let her be redeemed. He has no right to sell her to foreigners, because he has broken faith with her. ⁹ If he selects her for his son, he must grant her the rights of a daughter. ¹⁰ If he marries another woman, he must not deprive the first one of her food, clothing and marital rights. ¹¹ If he does not provide her with these three things, she is to go free, without any payment of money.

     Some argue that in the context of the culture in which this verse was written it was commonly accepted that any marital rights afforded to a slave must also be afforded to a free woman. It also is assumed that these truths hold their validity even in the case of a singular marriage rather than a man marrying another woman. Many argue that the term "marital rights" refer to sexual relations, however other scholars argue this term encompasses much more including love, trust, etc. My marriage was lacking in a number of categories that could be considered marital rights and it was extremely damaging. I know that many will question my decision, others will outright disagree, but in my heart I believe that this is the right decision. God has given me peace, I feel His love and compassion surrounding me. Because I have this peace I have found it is very hurtful to experience some of the comments coming from those around me who in the past have been vital supports and springs of spiritual guidance. I feel as though my faith has been questioned, my integrity has come under attack, I've even been told outright that I have no reason to do this. I feel so judged and abandoned, pushed away and in the end it has caused me to withdraw from something I once held dear. I find myself angry and wanting to push back with negativity and judgemental words of my own. As I heard on the radio the other day (paraphrased) "sometimes things come out of my mouth before they have had a chance to be sanctified." I heard a verse yesterday that opened my eyes, it showed me a harsh reality and reminded me that just because I feel as though I have been mistreated and judged I have no right to turn around and do the same.

Romans 14:10-12

So where does that leave you when you criticize a brother? And where does that leave you when you condescend to a sister? I’d say it leaves you looking pretty silly—or worse. Eventually, we’re all going to end up kneeling side by side in the place of judgment, facing God. Your critical and condescending ways aren’t going to improve your position there one bit. Read it for yourself in Scripture: “As I live and breathe,” God says, “every knee will bow before me; Every tongue will tell the honest truth that I and only I am God.” So tend to your knitting. You’ve got your hands full just taking care of your own life before God.

 

Ouch. This verse really slapped me across the face. Not only do I spend a lot of time unfairly judging those I feel are judging me but I also unfairly judge those around me. Even when I feel justified in judging (for example when I myself am being judged) it is not ok. I have to turn my hurt over feeling as though I have been mistreated over to God, I have to forgive and move on, and I have to remember that only God has the final say in anything, the words of others do not make or break me.

Fashion!

I love clothes. Like a whole lot. I love to look at clothing, dream about buying it, and occasionally splurge on a clearance rack item. I have recently become obsessed with clothing that is more off beat than fashionable, )think Zooey Deschanel) and I'm not really sure when this happened. In college and high school I was a strict jeans and t-shirt gal, if I dressed up it was for a special occasion. Now I reserve t-shirts for working out, what a change!

• I love this dress. The color is amazing, I love the waist and the neckline is really unique. It comes in soooo many colors too! It's from modcloth, my favorite window shopping website!

• This dress would be absolutely adorable with a black shrug sweater or a lace tank underneath it to give it more modesty. I love the cut and the print, it's reminds me of mint chocolate chip!

  
• I love that this dress is more modest. The length may be a bit short but it has everything a girl could ask for: a bow, flare, and a cute collar!

• This dress reminds me so much of something that they would have worn in the movie "The Help." I looooooove it! And if you think the front is cute just wait till you see the back....

             Don't you love it?

• This dress would be so cute to wear to the office. It's casual enough to not be overdressed but still cute. I love the cutouts at the top, and the color is definitely unique.

• This is one of the most unique dresses I've ever seen. I think it would be great because the chevron pattern should make anyone look thinner (in theory). I think it's really cute and I love the color. So far all of these dresses have been from modcloth. I could spend hours on that site!

• This dress is from Target and I love it! I also love that Target is really reasonable (if I'm in the mood to really splurge). I think horizontal stripes are generally not flattering, but this is one of those dresses that might look nice because of the color blocks and the design on the bust.

• This is also from Targe and I think it is adorable. I love things with tons of colors in them, it gives so many options for shoes and jewelry. I think this would be really sweet, a great dress for a date or church. 

Things I dont want to live without...

It has recently come to my attention that there are some things that I absolutely rely on pretty much every day. Some of them I technically could live without, but I'd really rather not have to!

• I love Covergirl's Lashblast mascara. Mascara is one of those things that everyone has a preference on so this may not be a good fit for everyone, but I love it! Two coats of this and I look like I have luscious lashes, not the drab, blonde ones I have with nothing on them.

• This is the BEST eyeliner I have ever had. Ever. It goes on smooth, lasts all day and night, makes perfect cat eyes and can be thick or smooth depending on your preference. I have only found it twice in Avon's catalog and every time I see it I stock up!

• I love my iPad. I can watch Netflix, journal, search Pinterest, read books, Facebook, surf the web and play games! It is probably my favorite piece of technology I have ever owned. No lie.
• Three letters. D. V. R. Who doesn't love recording their favorite shows and being able to watch them whenever they want?! This is perfect for me because I am so busy at nights with boot camp that I am never home to watch anything. Plus you can skip commercials. Win-Win for me!

• Audio books. I adore reading, it's one of my favorite things to do. But how am I supposed to read if I'm driving? Or cleaning? Or cooking? AUDIO BOOKS! I love to listen in my car, it makes my daily commute enjoyable, and it's so nice to feel pampered. It's like they are reading the books just for me! Audio books are ridiculously priced in my opinion, but I can understand why, it must be tiring to read an entire book out loud. I have found an amazing way around this though...the library! Our library has an impressive selection of audio books, Harry Potter, The Hunger Games, The Notebook, even the Left Behind series! You can't beat that!



• I love chapstick. My favorite is Avon's cherry chapstick and when I buy it's in BULK. This is because I have only managed to ever finish approximately 5 chapsticks my entire life without losing them so I have to have at least 10 scattered around to keep my lips moisturized. I think they made the second picture just for me...

 

• I don't want to live without Tim Tebow in the NFL. I think he is such a shining light and regardless of the polarization he can cause I admire him. I'd be completely content if the Bengals decided to trade for him...just saying.

• There are so many things I don't want to live without. Most of them are silly, but there is one that I most definitely cannot live without. I often forget how much I need God, how much of a sacrifice was made for me. It's easy to get caught up in the "I'm a good person" cycle and compare myself to others I wrongfully judge for being "worse" than me. But the truth is we are all sinners, all unworthy, and it's only by the grace of God that we are saved.



Wish List!

I had a job interview this week and if all goes well I hopefully will be getting a raise! Of course that's only going to happen if I get the job, but in the hopes of self-fulfilling prophecy I'm going to compile a wish list for what I would do with my raise!

• Naturally I'm going to put my money to responsible use and start paying more towards the car payment I took on earlier this year.

• Clearly I am also going to be putting money towards my student loans. I'd like to have that paid off before I'm 40...

• I really want a nice camera. I'd love to be able to take some nice pictures on something other than my phone!

I got adobe photshop two years ago for Christmas but my mac (aka my baby) is 5 years old and not able to handle it thanks to all the faithful years of college homework. So in order for me to fully enjoy the camera that I want I also need a new computer so I can edit my gorgeous pictures I will be taking!

• My other baby (iPhone 4) is on it's last leg. It's about 2 1/2 years old and getting progressively more and more stubborn when I want it to work.

 

It's fun to think about what I would do if I were blessed with this promotion, but in all honesty I'm just trying to stay positive amidst my nerves! I want the job, it's actually the entry level position I've been seeking for 3 years, so the nervousness about wanting to hear a yes is crazy! But even if I don't get the pomotion I want to stay positive and remember that I'm still blessed to have the position I have right now :)

Books!

I am an avid reader. It is one of my favorite things to do, I get lost in fantasy worlds, laugh, cry, feel joy and sorrow with my fictional friends. I have decided to do posts when I finish a book (or in this case just want to talk about) just for fun :)

• Plot: This is a (loose) retelling of the book Hosea. The main storyline is about a man named Michael who has an extremely strong faith in God. He sees a woman, Angel, in town while selling produce and feels God telling him that she is the woman he is to marry. Angel is a prostitute thanks to a disturbed childhood and unfortunate circumstances. She is skeptical of Michael but in the end he is able to bring her to his home and try to start a life together. She is hardened by a life of abuse from men and is skeptical of Michaels intentions, she runs away multiple times and Michael persues her. This is a wonderful love story and an excellent example of God's love for us. No matter how many times we run from Him he still seeks us.
• Love: This is most definitely a love story. Michael is an amazing male character that will make your heart swoon and watching their story unfold is beautiful.
• Action: There isn't really any "action" in this book. There is drama but no explosions etc.
• Faith: This book is heavily laced with faith. It is a feel good read that leaves you feeling happy and fulfilled. God is present throughout the book.
• Stars: ★★★★★ I couldn't put this book down. I was up until 4 am reading it!

• Plot: This is the first book in a series about a mismatch of women who meet at a prayer conference and are put together in a small group. The main character is a Christian woman who has never really understood grace. In her mind she's always been a "good person" so she in some ways takes her salvation for granted. At the prayer conference the small group experiences an emergency with one of their members they decide to keep the group going beyond the conference. The main character experience a horrendous tragedy and begins to realize that she is just a "sinner saved by grace." The group rallies around her and they all begin to grow in their faith. The series continues on with multiple books, each one wonderful in their own way.
• Love: This isn't a romantic love story by any means but it is a story about love. Sisterly love, husbandly love, and most importantly God's love.
• Action: There is perhaps a little "action" in this book but not manly action.
• Faith: This book is an excellent read for those of us who have been Christians since we were young, as well as a great read for people new in faith because it has such a wide array of characters. Each one is different with different backgrounds, different levels of maturity, and different ways of worship.
• Stars: ★★★★ I love this series. My only problem was that it ended!

• Plot: Ummmm duh. If you haven't read this book you haven't lived, therefore everyone should already know the plot. Since that's the case I'm just going to give a bit of a refresher. This series is written from the point of view of Katniss Everdeen. The hunger games are a sadistic ploy by a controlling Capitol to remind the districts under it's rule that they are all powerful. The first book focuses on Katniss volunteering for her sister who is chosen as one of the 24 tributes age 12-18 for the Hunger Games. The book follows her journey to the Capitol, her time in the arena and her time with Peeta aka the boy with the bread. It's wonderful. Go read it...again.
• Love: This book has a definite love triangle between Katniss, Gale and Peeta. Katniss is conflicted with her feelings for both of them and in some ways uses romance with Peeta in the arena to garner favor with Capitol residents. We see her feelings develop from survival to genuine (although confusing) and we are left cheering her and Peeta on.
• Action: This book is so full of action it will keep your head spinning! Twists and turns, fight sequences and intense mental turmoil keeps you reading.
• Faith: This book does not have any aspects of faith and does have violence in it, but there is no overt nastiness other than some graphic descriptions.
• Stars: ★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★ Ok that may be a little too many stars, but I seriously love this entire series. Seriously.

• Plot: I have loved this book since I was in 5th grade when it was introduced to me in school. It is about a boy and his coon hunting dogs which he saves every penny he has until he is able to afford them. The book covers his journey through training the dogs, hunting with the dogs, entering them in contests and ultimately how they save his life. It is a sweet story with an ending that makes me cry every single time.
• Love: The only love in this book is the love between a boy and his dogs. No romantic love at all but it is a sweet story of a special bond.
• Action: There is a little action in this book towards the end and littered throughout the book are small sequences during hunts that could be considere "action."
• Faith: This book does not have any aspects of faith in it but there is very little violence and is a clean read.
• Stars: ★★★★ This book makes me smile, cry, laugh and cherish my puppy dogs. I've read it multiple times and I still enjoy it every time I pick it up.

• Plot: This book is set in a dystopian society in which people are divided into 5 factions. Tris is the main character who at the age of 16 chooses to change factions rather than stay with the one her family is in. The book follows her initiation into the faction, her blossoming love with a boy nicknamed "four" and her efforts to hide a secret that could end up killing her. This is the first book in a trilogy, only the first two have been released and I am anxiously awaiting the third!
• Love: There is a love story in this book that feels forbidden but is also sweet. Tris falls for Four who is a teacher figure (they are very close in age, no creeper) and their love blossoms through her initiation process.
• Action: This book has plenty of action because the faction Tris chooses is the fearless faction. Lots of sequences in which there are fearless stunts performed.
• Faith: This book does not have any aspects of faith in it but it is a clean read and with only a little violence.
• Stars: ★★★★ I really enjoyed this book. It is very reminiscent of The Hunger Games type setting and is a very interesting read.

• Plot: This is the first Jennifer Weiner book I read and it was the beginning of an addiction. She has become one of my favorite authors and I would recommend any of her books! This book follows four women, one a plump chef, one a beautiful pro basketball players wife, an event planner and a former movie star hiding from her past. All the women are in the midst of raising children and finding out things about their lives. It's a great read!
• Love: Obviously the most overwhelming love in this book is for the babies. There are moments of sweetness between the wives and husbands as well.
• Action: It's Chick-Lit, there is no "action."
• Faith: This book does not have any aspects of Christian faith but it's not a lude book.
• Stars: ★★★ I love this author and this book is wonderful! I've read it multiple times and it's so good!

Celebrity Crushes!

So I'm totally nerding out today and have decided to share with you my fictional boyfriends. Yes I'm a 25 year old not a tween, yes I realize this is delusional, and yes I know it's ridiculous. Do I care? Not one bit! Sometimes in life ya just gotta be a little silly!

• My first celebrity boyfriend is Derek Morgan. Don't be jealous ladies! If I ever need to be rescued by an FBI agent please let it be him.

• Five words: The. Boy. With. The. Bread. Peeta Mellark (aka Josh Hutcherson) is a definite boyfriend of mine. Real or Not Real? Who cares?

• Nick Miller. He is grumpy. He is ridiculous. He is adorably loveable.

• Jase Robertson. He may be married but he can still be a fictional boyfriend (even though he's a real person). I think he has the best sense of humor, I crack up listening to the things that come out of his mouth.

I'm sure I have many other fictional boyfriends, but these are definitely my top four. I have fan-girl crushes on them, definitely geeky! P.S. Isn't it supposed to be Spring? Why is it snowing outside?!

My First Post!

I'm so excited to start my blog! Even in no one ever reads it I think this will be a great way to document my life. There are some big changes happening in my life right now, it's exciting, scary, and a definite roller coaster of emotions. Rather than go into all the gory details (at least until I have some things figured out) I am going to share some random thoughts.

• It depresses me immensely that when I look at my Barnes and Noble account to buy new Nook books I find nothing but smut in the best sellers lists. What happened to books that don't center around torrid affairs?

• I am ready for better weather. I bought some ADORABLE dresses (in smaller sizes I might add) and I am dying to wear them. I love dresses!

• I have started a couch to 5K program with the intention of doing to color run. It looks like so much fun and I think it is going to be perfect motivation to actually do something I've dreamed of for so long but never actually done.

• This is mine. I ordered it today and it will be coming to my home very soon. I cannot even begin to tell you how stinking excited I am about it. I have been wanting this bag for years and I finally broke down. O Coach, you know my weakness!

• This is my friend Leo. He is my favorite Owl I own, and that's saying something because I have TONS. Isn't he just the cutest thing?

• My parents are super busy right now with working in Springfield so I don't get to see them all that often. Mom is staying with me right now to help me transition with the changes going on and it is such a blessing. I adore them, they are the best parents I could ever imagine. I miss seeing them more often!

• I have the best Sunday School class. We have such great discussions, wonderful people, and I have learned so much. I never thought I would find a class that fit me, I tried a couple different ones but nothing really seemed to be a good match for me. God truly answered a prayer when he brought this class to fruition.

• I have been doing a lot of thinking and research on the food that I am eating. It is incredibly disturbing to see how bad we are treating the planet, all the disgusting chemicals in our food, and the horrendous way they treat animals. I have been attempting to live a mostly vegan lifestyle for a couple of weeks now, it's been pretty difficult though. I love my chocolate and cheese, and I especially enjoy some meat every now and then. It's been an adventure, but so far I feel good about it.

• I love these shoes. Love them. Unfortunately I have never been able to wear heels without tripping or being miserable. Someday...

• These shoes I may be able to wear. Not as cute as the ones with the major heel, but these look much more manageable. Be jealous that I can wear childrens shoes, cause that's what these are!

• I am loving the Peter Pan collar right now. I think it is adorable. I definitely want to try it out and see if it looks as good on me as it does on other people.

I should probably end it there, my thoughts are getting progressively more random and pretty soon people are going to start wondering how my brain works since it jumps from subject to subject! I am definitely ADD when it comes to my line of thoughts :)